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Feeling unhappy in my marriage, where can we get help? Top 5 Reasons Your Marriage Is Unhappy and How To Fix Them, And Where To Get Help!

  • Writer: John Weiman
    John Weiman
  • Nov 22, 2025
  • 6 min read

Updated: Nov 24, 2025

By John Weiman, CEO of Life Bridge Coaching | #1 Relationship Coaching in America | 15+ years helping couples reconnect | Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, and Couples Therapy in Maryland

Feeling unhappy in my marriage, where to get help, Best Marriage Counseling and Couples Counseling in Baltimore, Maryland and Nationwide Couples Therapy John Weiman



Feeling unhappy in your marriage can be disorienting. You might look at your life from the outside and think, “We have a home, maybe kids, careers, some good memories. Why am I still this unhappy?”

I see couples every week who are asking themselves:

  • “Do I stay or do I go?”

  • “Is this just what marriage is supposed to feel like?”

  • “Are we broken, or is there something we can do”


Unhappiness in a marriage is not always a sign that the relationship is over. It is a signal that something important in the relationship needs attention. The first step is understanding why you feel this way.


Below is your content, unchanged, followed by how to fix each of these patterns and when to reach out for help.


Top 5 reasons people feel unhappy in their marriage


In a lot of relationships I see, one or both partners give up their dreams in order to make the relationship work financially, geographically, time-wise, etc.

What most couples fail to realize is that this is completely counterintuitive because when you give your dreams to make the relationship work, you end up building up silent resentment… Oftentimes directed at your partner.

Dreams are one of the most important aspects of a relationship, and while it may sound silly, it’s absolutely true.

Lack of emotional connection can arise due to a ton of different reasons. One partner focusing too much on their life:

  • Working too much.

  • Going out with friends.

  • Abandoning your spouse.

These can easily cause your partner to feel alone or abandoned in the relationship, causing arguments or eventually causing both sides to emotionally drift away from each other.

Frequent miscommunication, constantly arguing, the story we tell ourselves is not our friend. Emotionally distant couples that have a critical outlook on their partner usually tend to have poor communication.


This means imagining that the other person is out to get them.

Think things like:

  • "She would never want to do this."

  • "He would never like that."

  • "Why would she ever do that for me"

  • "This is something he would hate."

This is different from arguing, because negative speech and thoughts about your partner can easily lead to emotional withdrawal from one or more sides.

Being critical or being defensive are also major signs of emotional withdrawal in the relationship


Usually occurs due to roommate syndrome or emotional disconnection between partners.

On average:

  • Men tend to need sex to feel emotionally connected

  • Women need an emotional connection to want sex

This is a major issue for a lot of couples and creates an even bigger split in the marriage than you might think, with research showing a high correlation between intimacy and marriage happiness. Sexless marriages are usually symptoms of other issues, and usually come as a pair. Ensuring that both sides' needs are met before intimacy is essential.

Perpetual conflict is a lot more normal than you think. Research shows that ~70% of all conflicts in a relationship are perpetual.

So, trying to stop fighting is an answer that leaves a lot of couples just feeling unhappy with each other.

The real key that keeps the happiest couples together is to learn to fight better.

Jealousy is a huge issue that stems from possible underlying trust issues. Maybe your partner:

  • Checks your phone or social media

  • Gets upset any time you go out without them

  • Accuses you of cheating with little or no evidence

  • Needs constant reassurance you still love them

These are usually signs of, underlying trust issues, fear of loss, or past trauma.

The role of the Four Horsemen: Criticism and Contempt

Research found four communication patterns that predict divorce at very high rates: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. Contempt is the single strongest predictor.

In unhappy marriages, I often see:

  • Criticism: Attacking your partner’s character instead of describing a specific behavior.

    • “You never care what I need.”

    • “You're so selfish.”

  • Contempt: Sarcasm, name-calling, eye-rolling, mockery, moral superiority.

    • “You're so lazy.”

    • “Anyone else would be a better partner than you”

Over time, criticism and contempt feed a negative sentiment override: your partner starts to see everything you say through a negative filter. It becomes almost impossible to feel happy in the relationship when every interaction is colored with “You do not care about me” or “You think I am the problem.”

How to fix the 5 most common reasons for unhappy marriages


Here is what actually helps, based on research and what I see in session.

Ask each other: “What is a dream you put on the shelf when we got together?”

Listen without fixing or judging

  • Look for even small ways to support that dream

    • A class

    • A dedicated night a week

    • Saving toward a goal

When partners feel that their dreams matter inside the relationship, resentment usually starts to soften.

2. Daily bids, soft startup, and repair

To rebuild emotional connection:

  • Notice and turn toward small “bids” for connection, like comments, jokes, or sighs

  • Start hard conversations gently:

    • “I feel lonely and I need more time with you.”

  • When conflict goes off the rails, make a simple repair attempt:

    • “Can we pause? I do not want us to fight like this.”

Criticism and contempt can be replaced with:

  • “I feel” statements about your needs

  • Appreciation expressed daily for very specific things

3. Work on emotional safety and tiny steps of intimacy

You cannot force sex, but you can rebuild conditions where intimacy is possible again:

  • Agree to talk about sex without blame

  • Rebuild non sexual touch first:

    • Holding hands

    • Sitting close on the couch

    • Hug hello and goodbye

  • Create rituals of connection so you do not only meet as co-parents or roommates

Often, once couples feel safe and emotionally close again, desire starts to return.


Since most conflict is perpetual, the work is:

  • Keep the Four Horsemen out of the room (especially contempt and criticism)

  • Take breaks when flooded and come back after at least twenty minutes

  • Repeat back what you heard before defending your own point

  • Look for “both and” positions instead of win or lose

The happiest couples do not avoid conflict. They know how to repair and move forward.

5. Work directly with enduring vulnerabilities


Treat jealousy and anger as signals of deeper vulnerability

  • Ask:

    • “What does this situation touch in you?”

    • “What story are you telling yourself when this happens?”

  • Have clear agreements about:

    • Friendships

    • Social media

    • Time apart

If jealousy has turned into controlling or abusive behavior, it is important to involve a professional quickly.

Signs you and your partner need marriage counseling or couples therapy

Consider getting help if:

  • You recognize yourself in several of the patterns above

  • You have tried to fix these things with books, podcasts, or your own conversations, and you keep looping back to the same place

  • Criticism, contempt, or stonewalling are common in your arguments

  • One or both of you feel lonely, unseen, or “done”

  • You are thinking about an affair or are already involved in one

  • You have tried to implement any of these changes, and it keeps blowing up or falling apart

Unhappy marriages can heal, but most couples wait far too long before asking for help.

Where to get help:

  • Life Bridge Coaching:

    Marriage counseling, couples therapy, and relationship coaching in Baltimore, Maryland, and online across the United States for couples dealing with constant arguing, roommate syndrome, infidelity, sexless marriage, resentment, and even couples already in divorce court.


  • Bathurst Family Therapy:

    offers PhD-level individual and sex therapy support for anxiety, trauma, and sexual issues that affect the relationship.


  • Gottman trained professionals:

    If you are not near us and don't want to do virtual coaching, look for therapists or coaches trained in the Gottman Method or emotionally focused work. The approach is practical, research-based, and focused on rebuilding friendship, conflict skills, and shared meaning.


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