How To Tell If My Marriage Is In Trouble
- John Weiman
- 2 days ago
- 4 min read
By John Weiman, CEO of Life Bridge Coaching | #1 Relationship Coaching in America | 15+ years helping couples reconnect | Relationship Coaching, Couples Therapy, and Marriage Counseling in Baltimore, Maryland
Most marriages do not explode overnight. They slowly drift into trouble.
I talk with a lot of couples who say:
“We are not screaming at each other all day, but something feels really wrong.”
“We used to be close. Now it feels like we live separate lives.”
“I keep asking myself, ‘Is this just a rough patch or are we actually in trouble?’”
If you are asking that question, pay attention to it.
Here are:
5 Big Signs Your Marriage Is In Trouble
You can live in the same house, share a bed, and still feel completely alone. Signs of low emotional connection include:
You rarely share feelings, only logistics.
You do not go to each other first with good or bad news.
You feel more emotionally understood by friends, coworkers, or even strangers online than by your spouse.
Emotional connection is not about constant deep talks. It is about feeling like you matter to each other in the day-to-day. When that disappears on both sides, the marriage is at risk.
Intimacy covers more than sex. It includes:
Affection
Playfulness
Being able to relax together
Warning signs:
You avoid physical touch because it feels awkward or loaded.
You cannot remember the last time you had sex that felt connecting instead of like a chore.
You stop sharing private jokes or small, affectionate gestures.
Some seasons of life are drier than others, but when lack of intimacy becomes the norm instead of the exception, it is a signal that something deeper is wrong.
Research shows that a lot of relationship conflicts are long-term. The problem is not that you disagree. The problem is:
You never find a livable way to hold those differences.
You have the same fight about money, in-laws, parenting, or division of labor.
You can almost script each other’s lines because nothing changes.
When couples tell me, “It is the same argument every week,” I know we need to look at how they are fighting and why these topics feel so loaded.
There is a kind of loneliness that only happens when you are together.
You might notice:
You feel like you cannot share your true thoughts without it turning into a fight.
You keep secrets because you expect criticism or dismissal.
You feel more relaxed when your spouse is out of the house than when they are home.
Some people cope with this isolation by diving into work, hobbies, kids, or online escapes. The marriage becomes a shell.
Having trust issues in your relationship
Trust issues are not just about affairs, although that is a big one.
Signs of trust trouble include:
You are not sure your spouse has your back around family, friends, or coworkers.
There have been lies about money, substance use, or important decisions.
You feel you cannot count on your partner to do what they say.
Once trust is damaged, everything else becomes harder: communication, intimacy, conflict resolution. It can be rebuilt, but not by pretending nothing happened.
What to do if you recognize these signs in your marriage:
Be honest with yourself
Admitting “my marriage is in trouble” is painful, but it is also freeing.
It moves you from denial into choice.
Talk about what you are seeing in your marriage or relationship
Pick a calmer moment and say something like:
“I have been feeling really disconnected and I am worried about us. I do not want to attack you. I want us to look at this together.”
Avoid dumping a long list of grievances. Start with how you feel and what you miss.
Get help sooner rather than later
The longer these patterns go on, the more resentment and hurt pile up. Reaching out for marriage counseling does not mean you failed. It means you care enough to try something different.
If you have any questions about whether your marriage is in trouble or what counseling might look like, feel free to call me anytime at (410) 419-8149
I talk with couples in the Baltimore area and across the United States who are trying to decide if this is a rough season or a sign that something deeper needs to change.
FAQ
Does every marriage go through rough patches?
Yes. Stress, illness, kids, job changes, and losses all put pressure on relationships. A rough patch becomes real trouble when emotional connection, trust, and goodwill are eroding over time instead of rebounding.
If we are not yelling, are we still in trouble?
You can be in serious trouble without raised voices. Silent marriages, where nothing is openly fought about, and nothing is solved, can be just as painful as loud ones. Silence can be a sign of giving up.
Is thinking about divorce a sign that we are done?
Thinking about divorce is a sign that you are in pain. Some couples think about divorce and use that as a wake-up call to get help and rebuild. Others eventually decide to separate. What matters is that you do not stay stuck in silent suffering indefinitely.
Should we see a lawyer and a counselor at the same time
Sometimes, yes. Talking to a lawyer does not force you to divorce. It simply gives you information. Counseling can help you decide whether you want to try to repair the marriage or end it, and a lawyer can help you understand what either path might look like practically.
References