Couples Therapy For Anger Management | 10 Easy Ways To Combat Anger Issues In Your Relationship
- John Weiman
- Nov 24
- 6 min read
By John Weiman, CEO of Life Bridge Coaching | #1 Relationship Coach in America | 15+ years helping couples reconnect | Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, and Couples Therapy in Maryland
Anger by itself is not the problem.
In my office in Baltimore and in online sessions across the US, I see plenty of couples where anger shows up. What actually destroys relationships is:
How that anger is expressed.
What happens after.
How safe or unsafe it feels to bring up hard topics.
You might be dealing with:
Explosive arguments that go way past the original issue.
One partner who bottles everything up until they blow.
Name-calling, swearing, slamming doors, or breaking objects.
One person shutting down completely to avoid “setting off” the other.
If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Anger issues in relationships are common, and there are clear steps you can take to change the pattern.
10 Easy Ways To Combat Anger Issues In Your Relationship
Learn your early warning signs before you explode
Anger almost never goes from zero to one hundred instantly. Your body gives clues:
Jaw clenching.
Tight chest or stomach.
Heat rising in your face.
Thoughts speeding up or going all black and white.
Start noticing those early signs. When you catch them, that is your cue to slow down the conversation or call a brief pause.
Use agreed-upon time-outs, not storm outs
Walking away in the middle of a fight without a plan usually makes things worse. Your partner feels abandoned or punished.
A better pattern is to have you both agree ahead of time on a simple time-out system.
When one person is getting overwhelmed, they say something like:
“I am getting too worked up. I need about twenty minutes to calm down. I will come back and keep talking after that.”
During the break, you actually calm your body instead of rehearsing comebacks.
Then you return when you said you would and pick up the conversation more calmly.
Change the opening line of your complaints
Angry couples often start with attacks:
“You are ridiculous.”
“You never think about anyone but yourself.”
“You always do this.”
Those openings invite one response: defense or counterattack.
Practice starting with:
What you feel.
What situation triggered it.
What you are asking for.
For example:
“I felt brushed off when I was talking and you picked up your phone. I need to know I have your attention for a few minutes when I am sharing something important.”
Same issue. Very different outcome.
When marriage anger is high, both people keep a mental scoreboard:
“How many times have I been hurt”
“How many times has my point been ignored”
The fight becomes about winning instead of understanding.
Try this rule for at least a few discussions:
One person talks for a few minutes about what happened for them.
The other person’s only job is to repeat back what they heard and ask clarifying questions.
No debate yet. No counterpoint. Just understanding.
Then you switch roles.
You can still disagree later. The difference is, now you are actually reacting to what your partner truly feels, not what you decided they must mean.
Anger is hard on relationships. Contempt is lethal.
Contempt shows up as:
Eye rolling.
Mocking tone.
Sarcastic comments that attack your partner’s character:
“You are pathetic.”
“Any normal person would know better than that.”
These moments might feel small in the moment, but they cut deeply and stay in your partner’s nervous system.
If you want your relationship to survive anger, make a zero tolerance rule for contempt between you. When either of you sees it, name it and repair it quickly.
Keep a steady stream of appreciation going
The more stress and anger there is in a marriage, the more important it is to consciously notice what is still working.
This is not fake positivity. It's a balance.
Try aiming for several specific appreciations a day:
“Thanks for handling bedtime tonight.”
“I noticed how patient you were with the kids when they were melting down.”
“I appreciated that you checked in with me before inviting people over.”
These small moments do not cancel out anger, but they change the overall tone of the relationship. It is easier to work on hard conversations when you both feel seen for your effort.
Aim for shorter fights, not bigger blow-ups
Some couples in Baltimore tell me they try to “get everything out” in one giant fight.
Those usually end with emotional bruises, and nothing is resolved.
Instead, aim for shorter, focused conversations:
Pick one topic at a time.
Set a time window, like twenty or thirty minutes.
If you are not getting anywhere, take a pause and come back another day.
Shorter, repeated conversations where you stay mostly respectful will do far more for your marriage than monthly emotional hurricanes.
Agree on lines that must never be crossed
Every couple needs clear boundaries about what is unacceptable in conflict.
For example:
No name-calling.
No threats of divorce in the middle of arguments.
No breaking or throwing objects.
No yelling in front of children.
Write these down together. Commit to them. If one of you crosses a line, own it and repair it as soon as possible.
If physical aggression or serious intimidation is happening, that is not just an “anger issue.” That is a safety issue and needs immediate professional help and safety planning.
Look underneath the anger to the real emotion
Anger is often a cover for other feelings that feel more vulnerable:
Fear.
Shame.
Loneliness.
Feeling invisible or not good enough.
In a calmer moment, ask each other:
“What do you think your anger is trying to protect you from?”
“When you yelled about the dishes, what was actually hurting underneath?”
This does not excuse harmful behavior, but it does help you understand each other more deeply and change the pattern at its roots.
Get support learning to calm your body, not just your thoughts
Anger management in a relationship is not just an intellectual problem. It is physical.
If your heart rate spikes, your breathing changes, and your muscles are tense, you will have a hard time being patient, even with the best intentions.
Simple practices that help:
Slowing your breathing down on purpose.
Dropping your shoulders and unclenching your jaw.
Taking a brief walk, stepping outside, or washing your face.
In marriage counseling sessions in Baltimore and online, I often work with couples on how to recognize and soothe their bodies in real time while still staying engaged in the conversation.
If you have any questions about anger issues in your relationship, feel free to call me anytime at: (410) 419-8149
I work with couples in the Baltimore, Maryland area and across the United States who are tired of letting anger run the relationship and want a calmer, more connected way of being together.
FAQ
Can anger issues really change, or is this just who we are?
Anger patterns can absolutely change with awareness, practice, and support. Some people have shorter fuses by temperament or history, but that does not mean they are stuck yelling forever. The key is learning your specific triggers and building new habits around them.
What if my partner says it is my fault they get angry?
You are responsible for your behavior. Your partner is responsible for theirs. Stress and conflict can explain why anger shows up, but they do not excuse yelling, insults, or aggression. In counseling, we hold both: understanding the triggers and taking responsibility for how you react.
Do we need couples therapy or individual anger management?
Sometimes both. If anger shows up mostly in your relationship, couples work is essential so both of you can learn new ways of interacting. If there is a long history of rage, trauma, or aggression in many areas of life, individual anger management or therapy can be important alongside couples sessions.
Is online help effective for anger issues in marriage?
Yes. Many couples I work with online across the United States make significant progress in how they handle anger, even though we are not in the same room. We can still see each other’s faces, practice new communication patterns, and build concrete plans for what to do in the heat of the moment.
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