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Should We Try Couples Therapy Or Marriage Counseling If We’re Debating Separation?

  • Writer: John Weiman
    John Weiman
  • Nov 17
  • 3 min read

By John Weiman, CEO of Life Bridge Coaching | Marriage Counseling and Couples Therapy in Baltimore, Maryland and Nationwide

Image of Divorce | Life Bridge Coaching Marriage, Best Counseling and Couples Therapy in Baltimore Maryland


When couples first reach out to me with this question, they usually sound something like:

  • “We’re on the brink. Would Couples Therapy or Relationship Counseling just delay the inevitable?”

  • “Part of me is already halfway out the door.”

  • “I don’t know if I want to save this or end it, I just can’t live like this.”

If you’re debating separation or divorce, you might feel pressure to decide right now:

  • Stay and suffer?

  • Leave and blow everything up?

Counseling at this stage is about helping you make a clear, grounded decision while also attempting to heal the relationship in a way that allows you both to stay together in a healthy manner.

4 Reasons Why Couples Therapy Can Be Helpful When Separation Is on the Table:

1. It Helps You Calmly Make High-Stakes Decisions

When emotions are running hot, it’s easy to:

  • Threaten divorce in every fight

  • Make decisions to “prove a point”

  • Move out impulsively

  • Involve lawyers before you’ve really talked

Therapy gives you a neutral space to:

  • Say what’s really going on

  • Understand how each of you got here

  • Decide whether you’re even open to rebuilding

Sometimes I use a discernment counseling style, short-term work focused specifically on the decision of staying together, trying a structured period of work, or separating. Learn more about discernment counseling here

2. It Helps You See the Full Picture

When you’re hurt, it’s normal to only see:

  • What your partner did wrong

  • How they’ve disappointed or betrayed you

  • All the reasons leaving would be a relief

Counseling helps you see the whole perspective on what's going on:

  • What each of you really feels

  • Patterns that both of you contributed to

  • Places where you stopped turning toward each other

You can’t make a wise decision about your marriage if you only see one side of the story.

3. It Gives You a “Last Best Shot” at Rebuilding

If both of you decide you want to try, therapy can:

  • Set a clear time frame (for example, 3–6 months of focused work)

  • Give you tools for communication, conflict, and repair

  • Help you rebuild some trust and connection which can ultimately rekindle your relationship

At the end of that time, you’ll know whether:

  • There’s enough change and hope to keep going, or

  • You did your best and it’s time to separate.

Either way, you’re not left wondering, “What if we’d really tried?”

4. If You Do Separate, You Can Do It With Less Damage

Sometimes the healthiest choice is to end the romantic relationship.

Counseling at that stage can help you:

  • Talk about the separation without tearing each other apart

  • Make decisions about kids, money, and living arrangements more calmly

  • Grieve the relationship you’re losing

  • Transition into a different form of relationship (co-parents, ex-partners) with as much respect as possible

This is especially important if you have children who will be living with the consequences of how you handle this for years.

FAQ: Therapy When You’re Debating Separation

Is it “lying” to go to therapy if I’m already leaning toward divorce?

No. Honest counseling doesn’t mean you’re all-in, but it will ask you to tell the truth about where you are:

  • “Part of me is done.”

  • “Part of me wonders if there’s anything left to save.”

What if my partner is all-in and I’m one foot out?

That’s very common. Sometimes we do a short period of discernment work first (to clarify your intentions) before diving into full couples therapy.

Can therapy prevent divorce?

Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. Therapy can:

  • Expose toxic habits/patterns that might be hurting the relationship

  • Give you tools to change those patterns

  • Help you reconnect emotionally if both of you are willing

It can’t guarantee an outcome. What it can do is make sure that whatever happens next is a healthier outcome.

References

Verywell Mind: Benefits of Couples Therapy While Separatedhttps://www.verywellmind.com/benefits-of-couples-therapy-while-separated-4161245

The Gottman Institute: We’re on the Brinkhttps://www.gottman.com/blog/were-on-the-brink/

Urgent Care of Kansas: Should You Try Counseling Before Thinking About Divorce?https://urgentcareofkansas.com/should-you-try-counseling-before-thinking-about-divorce/

Clinic for Healing and Change: Is It Too Late to Start Couples Therapy if You’re Already Considering a Breakup?https://clinicforhealingandchange.com/couples-therapy/is-it-too-late-to-start-couples-therapy-if-youre-already-considering-a-breakup/

 
 
 
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