Should We Pursue Therapy If We Are Debating Separation | Top 5 Ways Marriage Counseling Can Help Couples Considering Separation
- John Weiman
- Nov 24
- 4 min read
By John Weiman, CEO of Life Bridge Coaching | #1 Relationship Coach in America | 15+ years helping couples reconnect | Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, and Couples Therapy in Maryland
Some couples walk into my Baltimore office or log into an online session and tell me right away:
“We are on the fence.”
“We have talked about separation.”
“One of us has a bag half packed in our mind.”
"We both already have divorce lawyers."
It can feel strange to look for marriage counseling in Maryland when you are not sure you want to stay married.
You might wonder if therapy is only for couples who are “all in.”
In reality, a lot of couples start counseling at this crossroads. You might be:
Thinking about moving out
.Researching divorce laws while also Googling “how to save my marriage.”
Trying a “trial separation” that's more confusing than helpful.
Here are five ways marriage counseling can help when you are debating separation, even if you have no idea yet what you want the final answer to be.
Top 5 Ways Marriage Counseling Can Help Couples Considering Separation:
Create a safe place to say what you really feel
Most couples on the edge of separation are not honest with each other anymore. They walk on eggshells or explode. Neither leads to clarity.
In counseling, you finally have a structured space to say things like:
“I am exhausted from trying.”
“I still care about you, but I cannot live like this.”
“I do not know if I want to stay married. I also do not want to blow up our family.”
My job is to make sure both of you can talk without being ambushed, mocked, or shut down. That alone changes the conversation.
Sort out what is actually changeable and what is not
When couples in Maryland or anywhere else say “we are not compatible,” that usually hides a lot of detail.
In counseling, we look at:
What patterns are truly long-term differences and values.
What patterns are habits and skills that could shift with effort.
Where each of you feels absolutely firm, and where you have more flexibility than you thought.
Some things can be negotiated. Some cannot. Knowing which is which helps you stop and gain clarity around whether staying together or leaving is the best option.
Lower the level of constant damage, even if you do separate
If you have children, shared property, or a long shared history, you are connected whether you stay married or not.
Counseling can help you:
Reduce the level of daily fighting and blame.
Set ground rules for how you will talk about separation or divorce.
Plan how to protect the kids from being pulled into a war.
Even if you end up separating, doing this work can make the process less traumatic. I see this a lot with couples in Baltimore who come in during or just before a trial separation.
Test what happens if you both actually try for a defined period
Sometimes one or both partners say, “We will try,” but nothing really changes.
In marriage counseling, we often set a defined window of time where:
Both partners agree to give focused effort to the relationship.
Specific behaviors are agreed on:
How you handle conflict.
How much time you invest in the relationship.
What topics you are willing to talk about.
At the end of that period, you decide with clearer data, not just fear or guilt.
Decide with clarity instead of regret
The worst feeling many people describe to me is this:
“I do not know if I left too soon” or “I do not know if I stayed too long.”
Counseling while you are debating separation gives you a chance to:
Understand what actually went wrong.
See your own part and your partner’s part more clearly.
Choose your path from a grounded place instead of from panic, revenge, or pressure.
Sometimes that leads to recommitment. Sometimes it leads to an informed, respectful ending. My goal is not to push you either way but to help you see your choices clearly.
If you have any questions about marriage counseling while considering separation, feel free to call me anytime at (410) 419-8149
I work with couples in person in the Baltimore, Maryland area and online across the United States who are trying to decide whether to repair, separate, or reshape their relationship.
FAQ:
Is it a waste of time to try counseling if I already think divorce is likely?
Not necessarily. Many couples who eventually divorce say that counseling helped them communicate better, protect their kids from conflict, and understand themselves more clearly. Others discovered there was more left to work with than they thought. Either way, you gain clarity.
What if only one of us wants to try, and the other is half out the door?
That is extremely common. Counseling can start with one partner being unsure. We pay attention to that ambivalence instead of ignoring it. Over time, some partners shift toward more engagement. If they do not, you have more information about what is realistic.
How is this different from “regular” marriage counseling?
When separation is on the table, the focus is less on quick fixes and more on understanding, decision making, and doing less damage. We still work on communication and patterns, but we are always holding the question of “where is this going” in the background.
Can you help us if we are already living separately?
Yes. I often work with couples who are in a trial separation in Maryland or living in different states. Sessions can be in person if you are in the Baltimore area or online if you are elsewhere. The structure is similar, but we also talk about boundaries, contact, and what each of you needs during the separation.
References
Comments