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My Spouse Resents Me, How Can I Fix It? | Top 5 Ways To Stop Your Spouse From Resenting You

  • Writer: John Weiman
    John Weiman
  • Nov 19
  • 4 min read

By John Weiman, CEO of Life Bridge Coaching | #1 Relationship Coaching in America | 15+ years helping couples reconnect | Marriage Counseling and Relationship Coaching in Maryland


My Spouse Resents Me, How Can I Fix It? |Best Marriage Counseling and Couples Counseling in Baltimore, Maryland and Nationwide Couples Therapy John Weiman

Resentment is like slow acting poison in a marriage.

You may feel it from your spouse when:

  • Small requests are met with sharp comments

  • Old mistakes are mentioned during every argument

  • Your partner seems distant or cold, even when nothing obvious is wrong

You might also notice resentment building inside yourself.

Resentment usually means there is real pain that has not been heard, understood, or repaired. The goal is not to erase the past, but to heal enough that you can move forward together.


Top 6 Ways To Prevent Resentment in Your Relationship:

1. Honor Your Spouse's Dream

This is probably the number 1 reason I see resentment in any relationship. One of the biggest causes of silent resentment is feeling that your most important dreams do not matter in the marriage.

A dream can be:


  • A career direction or calling

  • A desire to go back to school

  • A wish to be at home more with kids

  • A longing for adventure, travel, or creative work

  • A spiritual or community life that feels meaningful


When a partner has to give up their dream for the other silent resentment starts to buildup.


To begin healing:


  • Ask directly, “What is one dream you have that you do not feel I have supported”

  • Listen fully without correcting or defending

  • Reflect back what you heard


Look for one small, concrete way to support that dream:


  • Helping with childcare for a class

  • Adjusting the budget together

  • Encouraging small steps rather than shutting them down


You may not be able to grant every dream in full, but taking it seriously goes a long way toward easing resentment.


2. Listen for the Hurt Underneath the Anger


Resentment is often anger wrapped around a wound.

Examples:

  • “You never help with the kids” might hide “I feel alone and overwhelmed.”

  • “You only care about work” might hide “I feel unimportant to you.”

Instead of arguing about the exact wording, you can say:

  • “I hear that you are really angry. Can we slow down so I can understand what hurt is underneath that”

Then listen without correcting details. The aim is to get the emotional truth of their experience.

3. Take Real Responsibility Where You Can


Resentment grows when the hurt person feels that their pain is denied or minimized.

If your spouse shares something you did that hurt them, look for any part that you can own.

You might say:

  • “When I dismissed your concerns about money, that hurt you. I can see that. I am sorry.”

  • “I did check out during that season and left you carrying everything. That was not fair.”

Responsibility is not the same as self hatred. It is simply acknowledging that your choices had an impact.

4. Make Amends Through Consistent Action


Words alone rarely heal resentment.

Ask your spouse:

  • “What would help you feel that I am taking this seriously”

They may not know right away, but together you can identify one or two changes.

Examples:

  • Taking on a specific task without reminders

  • Arriving home on time on agreed days

  • Turning your phone off during dinner

Then follow through consistently. Over time, repeated trustworthy behavior is what softens resentment.

5. Stop Adding New Injuries


Healing is almost impossible if new offenses keep happening.

That means:

  • No more name calling or contempt

  • No more flirting with others online or in person

  • No more broken promises about the same issue

If you feel unable to stop certain behaviors on your own, consider individual support for addiction, anger, or trauma. Protecting the relationship today gives healing a chance to take root.

6. Use Guided Conversations When You Are Stuck


Sometimes resentment is tied to years of hurt, cultural differences, or family patterns. The two of you may get flooded every time you try to talk about it.

A good couples therapist or coach can:

  • Make sure both partners get equal time and respect

  • Keep the conversation from spinning into blame or shutdown

  • Help you identify the themes underneath repeated conflicts

  • Support you as you negotiate what repair would actually look like

If your spouse refuses to attend at first, you can still start on your own. When one person begins to change how they listen and respond, the whole system often shifts.

Resentment is a signal that something matters deeply to someone. If you can hear that message and respond with honesty and care, the marriage can grow stronger than it was before.

References

Choosing Therapy – Resentment in Marriagehttps://www.choosingtherapy.com/resentment-in-marriage/

Free and Connected – My Wife Resents Me, How Do I Fix Ithttps://freeandconnected.com/my-wife-resents-me-how-do-i-fix-it/

PVD Psych – How To Tell if Your Partner Resents You and What To Dohttps://pvdpsych.com/how-to-tell-if-your-partner-resents-you-and-what-to-do/

 
 
 
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